Our View From Here

Perspectives of Five Women

Love and Marriage

on August 11, 2011

Lorraine Patricia

Darren and I will be celebrating our second wedding anniversary this weekend. Ca-Razy. I still think it strange sometimes that I’m married, and I inwardly giggle every now and then when I refer to Darren as my husband. Marriage just seems like such a grown-up thing and I have a hard time realizing that I’m a grown-up. I have noted that since I got married, and even from the time I got engaged I suppose, my feelings toward marriage have changed, which I guess isn’t terribly surprising. While I’ve always thought that divorce (in most cases) was unfortunate, I never thought too much about it. Now though, the high divorce rate and people not taking their vows seriously really bothers me.

Though I hope it would be obvious, I feel the need to clarify, for the record, that I would never advocate someone staying in an abusive relationship solely to maintain their vows. Nor do I think that all marriages can be saved. What bothers me is how quickly people seem ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. A friend of the family was telling me how a member of her family got married a few months after Darren and I….and they’re already divorced. Yep – to have and to hold, in sickness and health, till death do us part…or a year or so – whichever comes first.

Now of course, I don’t know the circumstances so I shouldn’t judge, but I use this as an example of how quickly some people seem to give up on what I thought were very important, sacred vows. My thought is that if you weren’t ready to commit to that level, why did you even bother getting married in the first place? It’s not middle school, where you breakup and get back together every week. Marriage is real – it can be wonderful but it also can be sticky and messy. If you’re not prepared for the sticky and the messy and for seeing it through to the best of your ability, you have no business getting married.

I fear that this apparent disregard for wedding vows is one manifestation of a larger problem. So many people seem unable to commit to anything anymore, or put forth an effort to make something last. It’s been said we live in a disposable culture, and I think that might be a fair statement. It’s not just goods that we’re willing to toss aside; it’s relationships and morals and ethics. When things get tricky, as a society we just seem to shrug our collective shoulders and move to something that’s easier. Not to get too political, but you can see this demonstrated in the recent debt ceiling discussions. We all knew this was coming, yet Congress waited and waited until nearly the last possible moment to make a deal, and even then, they still kicked the can down the road a bit. No one seems willing to make tough decisions or sacrifices. I find this realization quite distressing and I’m scared to think where we will be in the not-so-distant future if this attitude doesn’t change.

I’m sorry. I’ve done it again. I started with a happiness and then went on to a sobering diatribe, complete with sweeping generalizations. Ah well, you get what you pay for, and this blog is free.  🙂


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